CollegeHumor: Recent Articles

Give Thanks For Awkward Facebook Messages

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:06:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-20 16:06:00 by Jeff Rosenberg from 92 likes

Pop Culture QuickNotes: November 20

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

Well guys, like that Michael Jackson movie says, this is it. The last Pop Culture QuickNotes ever. a single tear in the shape of Lindsay Lohan falls Let's dig in! Johnny Depp was named the Sexiest Man Alive this week by People magazine. See Johnny? That's better than any dumb Oscar. (IDLYITW) While in London this week, Beyonce booked two hotel rooms - one for herself, and one for her luggage. Unfortunately, the luggage got two twin beds instead of a queen and hoo boy, you should have seen the luggage. It was livid. The luggage will never stay in that hotel again, no sir. (Celebslam) Martha Stewart started shit with Rachel Ray this week, saying that she 'cannot bake' and is 'more of an entertainer.' Oh snap! I can't wait to see what polite insults Rachel Ray has up her sleeves! (Which, for the record, Martha thinks are 'a bit flashy.') (Celebslam) Megan Fox did a photoshoot for the New York Times (I know, what?) this week, and surprise surprise, she's super flexible. She also loves steak, Matchbox cars, video games and doing butt stuff. (Popoholic) Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-20 15:00:00 by Sarah Schneider from 25 likes

Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me? Please?

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500

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Written 2009-11-20 13:00:00 by Jesse E from

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This Week In History: November 12th-18th, 2109 A.D. (BROUGHT TO YOU BY PEOPLE.COM!)

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500

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Written 2009-11-20 12:00:00 by Alex Schmidt from

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Honest HBO Warnings

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-19 18:00:00 by Jeff Rubin from 257 likes

3 Easy Ways to Slim Down in College

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500

Just because you're big, doesn't mean you have to stay that way. Just follow these three easy steps and you'll be trim as a Freshman in no time! Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-19 17:00:00 by Streeter Seidell from 184 likes

Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #27

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0500

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!

My ex-girlfriend and I had been dating for about 2 years. While we were dating one of her ex-boyfriends sent her a couple of emails that we would read together and laugh. One of them was him professing his love for her and had a link to the song by Hoobastank, "The Reason." If you have ever heard the song you know how ridiculous it is. We laughed for about an hour. Six months later we break up and they start dating. They are now married. Hoobastank...really??
-Zac, Ohio University

One day after going to the gym I went to my friend's house and a girl suggested to me via text that she give me a ride home. I never had time to shower. Before she dropped me off, we were making out in her car and she started licking my neck. When she came back up to my mouth, all I could taste was the salt from my sweat. She hasn't talked to me since.
-Stuart, UT

My girlfriend and I were watching a college basketball game a few weeks ago. The announcer says "there are 2 minutes left in the first half." My girlfriend turns to me and asks "How many halves are there in a college basketball game?" She is no longer my girlfriend.
-James, PA

The summer before sophomore year of high school I had a boyfriend who I hadn't really done anything with. When it came time for us to kiss, he leaned in and literally sucked the skin around my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat for minutes on end. Again and again. I went home at 7:30 because I "don't want to wake my parents up".
-Luisa

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Written 2009-11-19 16:00:00 by Jason Michaels from

88 likes

Issue One Hundred and Thirty Two

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

No flash caligraphy. Traffic Ticket I got a traffic ticket the other day for not getting in any accidents. The cop told me he pulled me over for "wreckless driving." -Silas VanSky Thanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House "Wait, so we have to stay totally still and not eat anything until the painting's done?" -Alex Schmidt Brother My brother is crazy. Crazy like a fox! Yesterday I saw him eating a possum on the side of the road -Amir Blumenfeld Math Question If a 410 pound gorilla is running east towards the White House at 22 mph, and Whoopi Goldberg is 27 miles behind the gorilla, pursuing him on a motorcycle at 68 mph, how much acid did I do? -Charlie K Argument I always used to punch any kid that said Mario was cooler than Sonic, then they took away my substitute teaching license. -Caldwell Tanner Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-19 15:00:00 by 105%-O-Matic from 80 likes

Every Part of the Buffalo

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-19 13:00:00 by Patrick Cassels from 141 likes

Internet Application For Adults

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-18 18:00:00 by Nat Tingley 331 likes

Employee Manuals...Probably

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500

Sometimes the employees of a company are so consistent in the way they perform a certain task, it seems that's how they must have been trained. Here, without naming names, are these companies' employee manuals...probably. Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-18 17:00:00 by Streeter Seidell from 434 likes

Parents Just Don't Understand: 11/18

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0500

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?" If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here! And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are! Your parents' App. My dad overheard me and my friends talking about how awesome youtube is. He tried searching for "Youtube Season 1" on DVD. Benny L My dad paid 25 dollars for a used VCR. He thinks he got a good deal. JJ LaMonaca, IUP My aunt was concerned because she bought Michael Jackson's greatest hits album on iTunes but she hasn't received the CD in the mail yet. Juan Ramirez, CSUS My mom couldn't figure out why her e-mails to me were coming back undeliverable for months, even though I gave her my e-mail address several times. Turns out she was sending them with the ending, ".edu.com." Eric Rapchak Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-18 16:00:00 by Susanna Wolff from 75 likes

5 Minor Changes That Would Trick Me Into Buying Sarah Palin's New Book

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

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Written 2009-11-18 15:00:00 by Andrew B. from

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Venn Candygram

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-18 13:00:00 by CH Staff 190 likes

If Archie Comics Were Honest

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500

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Written 2009-11-18 12:00:00 by Steve Hofstetter from

39 likes

5 Famous Last Status Updates

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500

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Written 2009-11-17 18:00:00 by Conor McKeon from

941 likes

You're Friends With a Website

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500

The Wikipedia
This self-important, impressionable young man can usually be found at parties. He's the one wearing slightly more formal clothes than everyone else. Eager for social acceptance, he relies on his admittedly impressive knowledge of several interesting subjects to connect with guys and girls alike, before ruining it all when he takes things just that one step too far. "Did you know Paul McCartney isn't really alive?" He'll ask, frantically gazing into your eyes praying not to see that flicker of doubt he's so used to seeing. No, no I didn't know that, Wikipedia Boy. And neither do you.
Watch out for: Vandalism. As long as you're cooler than him, he'll believe and recycle anything you say.

The Digg
This guy's alright. No, really. He's pretty cool. He knows what's what when it comes to "stuff". It sounds stupid but "stuff" is an important facet of everyday life. We need this guy when we don't even know it. We're bored and tired and we want something funny/disgusting/interesting to watch or read and here's Digg, coming to the rescue with his always inspired (though sometimes a little dated) material.
Watch out for: The betrayal. Feel like showing digg something YOU found? Better hope it's not something he dislikes or has seen before. Be warned.

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Written 2009-11-17 17:00:00 by Tom Philip

19 likes

Issue #20

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0500

Ever have a shtty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!* I work as a lifeguard at a public swimming pool. One day, while guarding, an old man came onto the deck during a lane swim completely naked. Shocked and disgusted, I managed to spit out, "Sir! You need to be wearing swim wear to be in the pool!." He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Ya! I know." He then looked down, realized he was naked and ran back into the changeroom. I never saw him again. -Gabbie, UWO. I work the concession stand of a movie theater. About a month ago, a woman roughly the size of Rhode Island waddled up to my register and impatiently inquired about our weekday $5 deal (popcorn and a drink). I calmly went through the pros and cons of said combo, but when our conversation reached the point of "unlimited refills", she had what could only be described as a "Fat-gasm". Her throat emitted a low pitch "mmmmmm" as her body jiggled a little. Throughout the course of her movie, she came back for refills on both her popcorn and soda 4 times. -Anonymous When I was 17, I worked at Discount Drug Mart up in Ohio. One day when I was ringing register, a woman with a panicked look came up to get all her items rung out. I then started to smell this foul odor and looked over the register. She had crapped herself and shook it out of her pant leg on the floor. She then acted like nothing was wrong demanding all her items get rung out at that moment. After, I called a stock person up to clean it up. He put a wet floor sign by it, so no one would accidentally step in it. Right after some guy comes over kicks the sign and smears it all over the floor. Whats wrong with people? -John, U.S. Air Force Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-17 16:00:00 by Brian Murphy 92 likes

No Droids Allowed

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

"Oh, no, we're not together." Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them. Bartender: Hey! We don't serve their kind here! Luke: What? Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside. C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave. Bartender: Oh, sorry, the short one can stay. Just not the shiny, prissy one. Luke: I'm sorry? Bartender: The effeminate one with the lisp. We don't serve his kind here. C-3PO: Apologies, sir, it's a British accent. If it offends you, I can certainly... Luke cuts him off. Luke: What are you trying to say, buddy? Bartender: I just think there are some cantinas on the west side that might be more his speed. Keep Reading

	Written 2009-11-17 15:00:00 by Ben Joseph from 29 likes

Fatawesome: The Sculptor

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500

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	Written 2009-11-17 13:00:00 by Fatawesome 132 likes

CollegeHumor: Recent Articles

Give Thanks For Awkward Facebook Messages

Pop Culture QuickNotes: November 20

Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me? Please?

This Week In History: November 12th-18th, 2109 A.D. (BROUGHT TO YOU BY PEOPLE.COM!)

Honest HBO Warnings

3 Easy Ways to Slim Down in College

Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #27

Issue One Hundred and Thirty Two

No flash caligraphy.

Traffic Ticket

Thanksgiving at Norman Rockwell's House

Brother

Math Question

Argument

Every Part of the Buffalo

Internet Application For Adults

Employee Manuals...Probably

Parents Just Don't Understand: 11/18

5 Minor Changes That Would Trick Me Into Buying Sarah Palin's New Book

Venn Candygram

If Archie Comics Were Honest

5 Famous Last Status Updates

You're Friends With a Website

Issue #20

No Droids Allowed

Fatawesome: The Sculptor